Are you in an Abusive Relationship? How can you tell? Almost half the phone calls I get for people looking to purchase pepper spray or a stun gun are trying to protect themselves in an abusive relationship. Needless to say PepperEyes.com bends over backward to provide our customers with the best products as well as the best advice.
Here are some facts.
- 1 IN 4 WOMEN, 1 IN 9 MEN IN UNITED STATES ARE VICTIMS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AT SOME POINT IN THEIR LIVES.
- Acts of domestic violence occur every 13 seconds in the United States.
- 3 out of 4 (74%) respondents personally know someone who is or has been a victim of domestic violence.
- 83% percent of respondents strongly agreed that domestic violence affects people in all racial, ethnic, religious, educational, social and economic backgrounds.
- Approximately 33 million or 15% of all U.S. adults, admit that they were a victim of domestic violence
- 1 in 4 teens (24%) reported feeling pressure to date; 14% said they would do almost anything to keep a boyfriend or girlfriend.30% reported worrying about their personal physical safety in a relationship.
- 20% of those who have been in a serious relationship have been hit, slapped, or pushed by a boyfriend or girlfriend
- Seventy-five percent of murder-suicides occurred in the home.
Those who are abusive engage in a pattern of behavior to maintain power and control over their intimate and often timid partner. These actions can be any combination of the following behaviors.
- PHYSICAL – including but not limited to pushing, shoving, slapping, punching, choking or confining.
- SEXUAL – including but not limited to rape, unwanted sexual contact, or forced sexual activity.
- PSYCHOLOGICAL – including but not limited to verbal abuse, intimidation, limiting your activities, isolating you from your friends/family, taking your paycheck, attacking your self-esteem, threats of suicide, custody fights, or controlling your financial resources.
- DESTRUCTION – including but not limited to your pet, or any property of any item important of value to you.
Whatever form abuse takes, it is always intended to instill fear in the victim.
Signs of a an abuser
Before an abuser starts physically assaulting his victim, he typically demonstrates his abusive tactics through certain behaviors. The following are warning signs and some common examples of the hidden Mr. Hyde:
- Pushes for quick involvement. Claims “love at first sight,” and pressures you for commitment.
- If the abuser is male, he believes in stereotyped gender roles and male supremacy. Dominates partner, requires conformity to traditional roles. Some of this can be caused by culture or religious indoctrination.
- Blames YOU for “provoking” the abuse.
- Abusive in past relationships. Abuse is not situational; it carries over from one relationship to the next. (Why did he break up with his Ex?)
- Very jealous and possessive. Wants to Isolates YOU from your friends and family. Often accuses YOU of flirting, or cheating (infidelity). Doesn’t want you to work- keep you home.
- The Dual Personality (Good Kirk vs. Evil Kirk) those around you see your partner as a good partner and parent, but behind closed doors, abuser is angry and aggressive.
- Experiences most emotions in the form of anger. Difficulty in communicating other emotions. Expresses anger with aggression.
- Their violent temper may include hitting or throwing objects, and often at YOU.
- Uses sex as a form of aggression. Sex is imposed or forced rather than mutual.
- Dependent on YOU for their all emotional needs, blames others for own feelings. Unrealistic expectations of relationship.
- Easily insulted, takes small setbacks as personal attacks. Hypersensitive. This person Is always right (in their own mind).
- This abuser tends to be cruel to animals and/or children. Punishes them brutally, has unrealistic expectations of their abilities, insensitive to their suffering.
- The abuser is quick to change moods. Charming one minute, abusive the next. Depressed.
- The abuser often checks up on YOUR whereabouts, activities, spending, etc. Claims to be concerned for YOUR safety, but intent is to monitor behavior and control decisions.
What to Do if this is You?
“Daleks—aim for the eyestalk. Sontarans—back of the neck. Vashta Abusive Relationship—run. Just run.”
- One know that You have help, you have a place to go, you have a place, and people who CAN and WILL HELP YOU.
- Talk with someone you trust. A teacher, a guidance counselor, a doctor, a friend or parent.
Make a safety plan. Ask for and get help. These are Lots of National and Local places that can help you, including most times your local police. Some of these places include
- National Domestic Violence Hotline: (800) 799-SAFE
- National Sexual Assault Hotline: (800)-656-HOPE
- Look in your yellow pages for women’s shelters.
- Practice how to het out of the house QUICKLY. Think about all escape routes.
- Don’t get trapped in the kitchen (too many weapons that can be used on you). Avoid the bathroom (hard surfaces, to room to dodge blows). Stay out of rooms with guns or knives.
- Considering making a safe room. The ultimate lock on a solid bedroom door will give you a place to call of help on your hidden cell phone. Do you know any charged cell phone will call 9-1-1.
- Devise a code word to use with family and friends. Work out a signal with a neighbor that would alert them to call the police (lights switched on/off, banging on walls, etc)
Consider all options ahead of time. Can you pack and emergency bag and leave it with friends or family?
- Have copies of yours and your children important ID (driver’s license, birth certificate, SS Cards)
- Have copies of your important financial documents and a hidden deposit of money, checking/saving account
- Legal papers
- Medical records,
- Address/phone book
- In an attack, can you flee to a nearby public place (hospital, church, shopping center, etc). Identify the closest police sub-station or fire station; go there if you are being followed.
Teach your children not to intervene in a fight. Instead, teach them how to get to safety, to call 9-1-1, and to give your address to the operator or police.
LEAVING AN ABUSER can be DANGEROUS. HAVE A PLAN TO GET TO SAEFTY
PepperEyes.com is dedicated to providing you with the best and most affordable personal protection products on the market to meet the security needs of you, your family members or your business, by assisting anyone who is unwilling to become a victim of crime. If you want to take personal responsibility for yourself, your home or your business, buy our high quality discount personal protection products and arm yourself with the knowledge of the best way to stay secure in an ever-increasing violent world. In today’s society being equipped mentally and physically is no longer an option – Victor Swindell